Tag Archives: respect

Ticker box syndrome

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do you fit

do you fit

I am not one who likes to follow conventional rules I never have been. I have always found it annoying that I need to certain things so that I can be viewed correctly by societies standards. I call it the ticker box syndrome just my spin on it. You know were you just have to go through the motions and get that boxed ticked so that you fit the picture of what people want so you can move forward in life.

Recently a friend and I had to visit Centerlink for government assistance, she had just lost her job and required help. Her circumstances certainly explained why her job had to go. Yet upon filling out all the questions with the worker at the office you just knew that a computer program was sorting her into a category regardless of her circumstance which were too out of the box for it to deal with. The end result we will help you but ……….. Yes she now has to tick a few more boxes and wont receive the true help she needs. However speaking of her current situation it is clear for the world to see that it is rather unusual and thankful does not happen all the time. Even the lady processing her claim admitted that she would be much better on a different payment but she lack a piece of paper to allow the computer system to tick that box.

Take the person who has so much life experience to offer in certain field of work, they are clearly a person who is truly capable of completing the tasks required but

because they don’t have the degree required they don’t tick the box so no job for them. Class room theory out ways real life experience. We may as well be playing Monopoly where one pulls the jail card ‘go not pass go, go directly to jail, do not collect $200’.

My son has trouble getting the written word down so exams that are written for him are not going to allow him to show his understanding, rather they just cause stress

no passing go for you

no passing go for you

and eventually a melt down. However asking him the question and he can articulate the answer, yet that doesn’t tick the box so no passing go and collecting $200 for him either.

What about the person who nearly makes the marks to gain entry to university to follow their passion but not quite there sorry yet again while it’s your passion the bell curve you score was graded on said NO. But that’s okay we will let the person in who really has no passion for this and is just heading to university because society says that’s what we should do.

And never mind if you have a dream that is not quite what people think you can be achieved. Simply the answer is no, you can’t achieve that until you do this, that and this and then only the lucky can do that. What if you actually can do it and don’t need this and that ? You still have to tick the boxes.

Ticker boxes I don’t like them on forms, and I don’t like fitting the mould that people think one should be. I am me and my situation, passions and experience are uniquely mine. No one else shares them so how to they fit a generic box.

So let’s stop the mentality that we all need to fit a certain way, follow a conventional path to achieve our dreams. I am not asking for anarchy were there are no rules I am asking for common sense we each person is valued for the individuality and all they can offer. Everyone has strengths and weakness why do we not allow people to play their strengths? Let’s be smart about this, a tick box is a way of saying ‘I don’t have to think about it you don’t get a tick so you don’t fit.’  It takes the human brain out of the decision making process. Are we not capable of rational common sense thought, do we not have empathy can allow us to see when a situation needs to be addressed in a different manner.

 

Ban the tick box and celebrate who we are !

Be you

Be you

 

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As they truly are

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hidden jewelTime to stop viewing people as we think they should be.

Time to stop believe they are the image we create them to be.

Time to let go of what you want and rather let them be who they are

Time for judgement to be thrown away, it was never yours to give anyway

Time for the finger to no longer be pointed unless you point it at yourself.

 

Is it not time for you to see the person for who they truly are?

 

Why do you look for some thing that is not there?

Why do you choose to make choices for them?

Why do place your label upon them?

Why are they not what you want them to be?

Are they not good enough being them?

October Moon

October Moon

 

Is it not time for you to see the person for who they truly are?

 

Disappointed because they don’t live to your imagery.

Disappointed because they don’t share your view.

Disappointed because they are them and not you.

Disappointed about how you now judge.

Disappointed that you missed so much, being to blind to see.

 

Is it not time for you to see the person for who they truly are?

 

Perhaps this time you can see the person for who they truly are.

Perhaps now you are no longer blind.

Perhaps you now have a choice to be you while they be them.

Perhaps now your judgement is gone.

Perhaps now you can be friends.

 

Now the shackles of your projections  have gone.

Finally it’s time and you can see the person for who they truly are.

art work by Pam Barry

art work by Pam Barry

Change the Scream for Calm

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Screaming and yelling and still no result …. The feeling of talking to a brick wall. That’s what most of my friends have been telling me is going on when they talk to their children these school holidays. scream

Pick up your clothes, don’t hit your sister, pack up this mess, and eat your dinner ….. The list is endless. As parents it can feel that we spend our life or a good majority of it screaming to get things done. And children seem to spend most of their time ignoring this or complaining about it.

So why does it always seem to boil down to a battle of wills. Simple really imagine if your boss screamed at you to get things done how quickly would you tell your boss to take a hike! It would not take long, at the very least you most certainly would be looking for a new job.

So since our children can’t or we hope never tell us to take a hike or look for new parents, perhaps it is in the way we approach the request that needs to change. So here are some simple strategies to try before our children do tell us to take a hike or worst still turn into the screaming teenage/adult from hell!

  1. Set some simple chores that are age appropriate and don’t need to be done every day, responsibility is a good thing but keep it balanced.
  2. If the room is mess does it really matter that much? If your child is tired you are fighting a losing battle that will only see you get a headache, shut the door and tackle it tomorrow when calm.
  3. Stop yelling and screaming, talk to your child the way you want to be spoken to, not only is it more effective you will then raise a child that has respect.
  4. Get down and play with them, encourage creative play, have FUN, build a cubby house, and as you help make the mess you get to help tidy the mess.
  5. Half an hour before bed make it wind down time, grab a book and read to your child or if your child can read then read the book together.
  6. Get outside with your child go for a walk, take them to the park, not only do you get outdoors you get exercise as well.
  7. Count to 10 and step outside if the stress is getting to much, fresh air calms down most and a little bit of space can give you the perspective as an adult to know the right course of action to take.
  8. Encourage them to make the right choices when being asked to do things, this will help them in later life.
  9. Surprise your child with a reward, don’t let them expect it like pocket money, just surprise them with a reward of your choice.

calmOur child are only our children for a short period of time, before long they are young adults trying to be the best they can in the world. They learn how to do this from you, have fun, enjoy them and most of all love and respect them…… the world will thank you for it.